Raising kids is all about losing your marbles in the pursuit of teaching them how to be awesome and perfect. After all, as adults we are pure awesome and clearly know pretty much everything…
Actually, if you are a parent, you are probably beginning to figure out that we are the ones who are being set up for all the life lessons. As we begin to plan for our first little bundle of joy, we think of all the things we are going to do and say to help them become better humans. Then as we start to implement our perfectly laid plans, the little @()*#$ crumbles to the floor in a ball of tears and screams. We begin to sweat, blood pumps through our body as if enemy forces are coming for us.
This doesn’t just happen to me right?
These are not the moments for reflection and life lessons, but they are what life lesson are made of. In that moment I’m just trying not to fall on the floor myself in fits of tears and screams. Usually in the hours and days to come (likely when their sweet little heads are resting peacefully and we admire our little creations) I begin to think about my day playing mom. What could I have done different? How did I create this terrifying little human? Did I respond as an adult with controlled emotions should? I’m probably the only mom who can answer “no” to that last question… it’s okay. I know I need work.
So here I am, a mom of 5, currently raising these kids on my own (don’t fret, my husband just has to travel frequently with his job… sometimes for weeks and months at a time.) I’ve had little ones for over 11 years and I have read lots of books, shed tears with friends, and tried lots of reward/discipline systems.
And you know what I have learned? I’m still not sure what I’m doing! Bahahahaha. And guess what? The world keeps spinning…
My first child had me in tears a lot. Poor kid… He had to deal with the majority of trials and errors. But there is good news… He is kind, polite, respectful, and hard working when he interacts with others. Don’t get me wrong, he’s pretty cool now, so I still get the typical parent treatment. You parent’s know what I’m talking about… ever sit in one of those parent/teacher conferences and think “Are they talking about the same kid I sent to school this morning? Yah, him. The one who was rolling his eyes and mumbling stuff under his breath…” apparently is the best kid in class.
I say all of this to bring you a brilliant system that I am currently using for my kids. They range from 2 years to 11 years and it works for ALL of them.
The System, The Method, The Marbles
Using a marble system isn’t a new concept. Teachers and parents alike have been using something like it for years. I just took an idea and put it together in a way that fit our family. 🙂
Step #1
Order the marbles. I literally had no idea how I was going to work this system when I added the container of 160 marbles into my Amazon Prime cart. I can tell you that as I clicked the purchase now button, terrible visions came to me of marbles ALL OVER my house.
Step #2
Once the marbles were actually here was when I decided to grab 5 small plastic cups and we put each of my kids’ names on their own cup. That’s really all I had. I had no idea how I was going to use the marbles or what they would get when they earned X number of marbles. I was totally winging it.
*** Extra special secret tip: You can wing it too! There is no one size fits all in parenting and the rules have to bend so that they inspire and motivate your little ones to contribute more.
Step #3
Ask the kids what they think. This is where it got exciting. Each of the kids came up with their ideas of what they could do to earn marbles, what the marbles could be cashed in for, and how many marbles would be needed to earn the reward. It was great and for the most part the kids were very reasonable in their requests. I think the most extreme request was for me to take my 7-year old to gamestop to purchase a game. That’s like 4-7 days worth of marbles. I think not!
Step #4
Just start! We decided on 50 marbles for the cash in. I wasn’t sure if that was too much, but it works well because I give marbles for LOTS of things and I don’t stick to a list. For example… just today my 11 year old came in to tell me that the 7 year old threw his snack wrapper into an overgrown corner of our yard. The 11 year old told him that was littering and he had to get it. He refused because he was scared of snakes. My 4-year old stepped in and decided to retrieve it for him. For his good deed (for his brother and for nature) he got a marble. Even though the 11 year old came to tell on the 7 year old, he also told me the good that the 4 year old did and he didn’t just let the littering slide. He will get a marble too.
Why I Love This System
- It works! The kids step in and do things without being asked… especially when they know they are close to 50 marbles. They work harder to hit the goal.
- They look for ways to help one another out. Sure, sometimes it’s motivated for selfish reasons, but I’m positive it will grow into more.
- They feel really good about themselves and valued when they are contributing.
- Mom gets more help with less resistance. (Let me be clear… they still complain sometimes) Who do you think I am? Mary Poppins?
- This system helps me to see the good my children do. Instead of being a nag all the time and pointing out what they do wrong, I actually look for reasons to give marbles! That makes me AND the kids feel really good!
- This system IS NOT hard! If it were, I assure you I wouldn’t do it. If I can’t put a marble in right away, I trust them to do it OR I ask them at the end of the day to tell me how many marbles they earned and why. They have been fair and honest so far.
Ways my kids like to to earn marbles **add your own!
- Help unload the dishwasher
- Wipe down counters after dinner
- Sweep the kitchen
- Do something kind for a sibling
- Fold your own laundry
- Make bed in the morning
- Get to the table on time for school (we homeschool)
- Complete your schoolwork before 3:00 PM
- Go outside and play
- Help make a meal
- Read a book
- Practice piano
- Soccer practice and games (see how easy I make this)
- Helping get the little ones ready for bed
Ways to Cash in Marbles
- 1 hour of game time
- Special outing with mom
- Stay up late
- Ice cream for dinner (this is a big hit on nights they don’t like the menu)
- Family Game night (this wasn’t on the list but my 7 year old suggested it when he earned his first 50)
- Get out of Jail free card. This one my husband came up with. He called it Penance for sin though hahaha. Basically what this means is if the kids are in trouble and got something taken away or some kind of punishment, they can cash in and get the item back.
- 50 marbles for $5.
- If they have another idea that they think is fair, I’m always willing to consider other options. It’s so fun to hear what they come up with.
I hope you love this system as much as we do. It seems like I’m always being asked what the reward system is like with 5 kids. So here it is. Pretty simple, but we don’t have time for anything but. I think it works pretty darn well. Who knows, maybe in a year we will be doing something totally new. For now this is our magic. If you start implementing this system, I’d love to hear about it!
Blessings to you and yours!
Rebekah
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