My husband recently had to travel 6 weeks for work. To anyone who has a spouse with reasonably consistent hours, that may sound unbearable (unless you really don’t like your spouse) then maybe we should be having another conversation…We won’t go there. With 5 kids, an extra set of hands is always appreciated and we kinda like each other too. <3
So, here’s the deal. We have been married for almost 16 years and this lifestyle isn’t new to me. So when my friends ask me how in the heck I do it all with him gone, I don’t really know if there is a formula to share. Our way of life has developed so naturally over the last 16 years that it’s become our family’s “norm.” I know, it sounds strange, but you know how you see another family’s way of doing things and think “I could never do that!” I think we’d all be surprised at how well we get to doing things, when we fall into a rhythm that works for that set of people.
How We Split Responsibilities
Bills & Budgets: These things have been my job from day one. Due to the inconsistencies with his schedule, it makes sense that I handle all of the finances that are recurring monthly.
Kids: So let’s get real. It’s not like I suddenly had 5 kids and a husband gone for long periods of time all at once. I would imagine that would be pretty traumatic. You know how you have a baby and think you could never parent an 8 year old. And then one day you kid is 8 and you think, this isn’t so bad. Well, it’s because this is life and it happens in stages (most times) so I try and just roll with it.
With that said, I think I can nail down some points that will be helpful to you should you find yourself in my position. Maybe you have a spouse who travels a lot for work. Maybe this isn’t your norm right this minute, but you know you’ll find yourself in a similar situation one day. Or maybe this isn’t you at all but you are so darn intrigued by this woman with 5 kids who seems like she has it fully together. Bahahaha! Let’s continue….
A Short List of Simples
I paused to lean my phone up against my wine glass and took this selfie as I was typing so you can see the reality: no makeup and I am pretty sure I quickly pulled my hair up this morning thinking I’d come back to actually brush it. It’s also dinner time as I type this.
Would you believe dinner is ready?
These tips aren’t earth shattering. Life doesn’t need to be complicated to work well or in some cases, survive. I think simplicity breathes life into places because we’re not trying to reinvent the wheel. We just need everyone headed in the same direction!
- List your resources & delegate! I don’t live near family so that isn’t an option for me, but maybe it is for you. What I do have is 5 kids who eat a whole lot of my food and make a majority of the mess. So we delegate house duties. We all live together and therefore we all work together to make life easier for everyone. My kids really do take pride in the responsibility and the reward that comes from their efforts.
- Communicate and make a plan! Remember, your spouse or partner…you guys are a team. If you don’t know the game plan for bills, important online logins, how to access funds in different accounts, you better get on it. This isn’t just helpful for a short travel separation. This is CRUCIAL should something happen to your spouse. Get a binder and know how to access the things that matter. *We use 1Password (its a password protection service) To make sure that we both have access to all important logins.
- Plan your days and weeks. The better you have your days mapped out, the easier things will flow. This was one reason I started to homeschool. I needed to have more control over my calendar. It became a struggle for me to keep up with days off, half days, parent/teacher conferences, field trips, etc… imagine that x4 kids in school! I’m not recommending you switch to homeschool today. I’m simply encouraging you to look at your life and find ways that give you more balance and peace. Back to my original point… Plan your days. Sit down Sunday night and map out the week ahead. Then take 5 minutes each night to review the next day.
- Plan time for you. I still have to remind myself of this. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done. Sometimes when my little ones are napping I make it very clear that the older ones must have quiet time too. They understand quite well that mommy gets some quiet time. I communicate my needs to them and explain WHY it’s important. You will be amazed at how well they can comply when they get the right communication.
- If needed, get some help. It could be for just a couple hours a week. A local high school student, nanny, baby sitter, or house helper! Get some housework done or have someone watch the kids while you grocery shop! That’s actually how I started to ease help into my life. If you are a working mom like I am, don’t be afraid to invest some of that income back into yourself by outsourcing things you don’t have time to do.
- Feed the Troops (Meals). When my husband is away, I am less motivated to make a full healthy meal. I also can’t bring myself to feeding them hot dogs and pizza every night. So I have a few tricks up my sleeve:
- Let the kids pick a meal to help prep. Depending on the age they can do quite a bit to get a meal in the works. If you have a child who enjoys cooking… they will love this responsibility and trust you have in them.
- Meal prep! When you make one meal, make a double or triple batch so that you have food to freeze for the weeks ahead. You can also take an afternoon to make a few meals for the week.
- Meal Prep Sous Chef: I know, it sounds fancy, but it’s really not. If you decide to have a sitter come in for a few hours a week, see if they have some simple kitchen skills to help get a meal ready to serve. It saves you so much time in the afternoon if someone else is taking that prep work off your schedule. Something as simple as spaghetti or tacos is an easy meal to outsource to even an unseasoned cook.
- Laundry Duty. If you are like me, laundry is your enemy no matter what. I beg of you, teach your kids to bring their laundry to the laundry room. They can easily start their own loads as soon as you teach them how it all works. Many of the HE washers sense the load size so you aren’t wasting water if they just cycle their load. I’m still working on mine in this department, but they are a great help when given the opportunity. See more on this in my reward system blog.
Just know this. You are an amazing woman. No one can do what you do. I’ve learned that over the years of being a mom. BREATH! It will be okay! Focus your time where you will make the most impact and outsource what others can do.
You are rockstar.
Thanks for reading! You just made my day <3
Rebekah
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