The Comparison Trap

Comparison is the thief of joy – Theodore Roosevelt

So why then do we actively compare ourselves to the women around us? You know you do it, all women do. It’s the comparison trap!

Recently I saw an article from People that reminded me of one I saw last year online maybe you saw it?

It was a very fit mommy, in ab baring workout outfit with her 3 boys, 3 and under. The caption read, “What’s your excuse?” I’m sure you can imagine the backlash. She was trying to promote her fitness business and clearly was very proud of her body and the hard work that went into it.

I can completely relate.

However, I can also understand why there was so much hate directed towards her. I’m sure she wasn’t completely unaware that posting a picture like that would illicit controversy and maybe part of her understood the old adage, ‘any publicity is good publicity’, but why the hate?

The article on People online was very similar. A very fit mom, lifting her shirt to reveal a six pack and her daughter pointing, mouth agape at her mom’s abs, caption reading “I have a kid, a six pack and no excuse.” Needless to say the article drew similar negative responses and this woman is from U.K. I guess they feel the same way across the pond!

Were these ‘haters’ right in lashing out at these moms? Were they right in assuming that they ‘must’ have a nanny or hired help and neglect their kids and put in hours at the gym to look like that? Were they right in believing that she was trying to ‘shame’ other moms about the way they look?

I don’t have these answers. I can only speak for myself.

Personally speaking, I have used the hashtag #NoExcuses. I have used it in my accountability groups. I am in no way undermining any of the women or men I work with. I use the expression loosely- we ALL HAVE EXCUSES. There isn’t a day that goes by that I wouldn’t love to lay in bed, order room service and veg out, but I can’t. I have a business that requires I be an example to the people I work with.

I get up, I workout, I eat healthy (most of the time) and you know what, I look good (for having 4 kids). Are there things I could improve on? YES! I have had 4 kids!

I have had a c-section, my thighs wiggle, I have cellulite- no one is perfect.

That being said, can all moms achieve the success of these women? No.

If I were to break down how I believe getting into shape works, I would say diet is 80% and working out is 20%. But you have to work with what God gave you and genetics can affect that 100%. For example, if you have an inactive thyroid, you make never be able to reach your goal weight, but that doesn’t mean don’t try.

I guess what I am trying to say here is don’t hate.

If you are the super fit mom of 10, who looks perfect and gets the house in order before the sunrise – don’t judge the mom who looks disheveled at pickup.

If you are overweight and unhappy with your body, don’t hate the mom who is in shape. You have no idea how much effort she puts into her body.

Instead, if you are ‘hating’, examine yourself and see what it is that you are lacking that makes you hate how they are. Comparison might be the thief of joy, but it’s a trap because you’re the one that gets stuck being negative and resentful. Maybe you do really wish you could be more like them. Maybe you are lacking something they have. Maybe, just maybe, we can all learn something from the person we are ‘hating’ on.