I’m no expert outside of my own real life experience. I do have 5 kids so that gives me quite a bit of training. I’ve heard many parents say that they didn’t want to have any more kids because they didn’t think they could devote the individual time needed to each kid. This way of thinking always perplexes me. I try not to take it personally because I know they aren’t intentionally telling me that I don’t spend enough time with my kids.
What I share with you is not a perfected science. It’s my personal experience and understanding of the kids in our home and something I get asked about a lot. So, I write and share the best way I know how.
I believe there are good reasons for some people to stop having kids. I also believe that a large percentage of reasons we have for not wanting more kids aren’t really good reasons. I’m not talking about you of course… other people 😉
My 11 year old and 7 year old are inseparable buddies. They love each other with a brotherly love that I have never seen before. It warms my heart. My 10 year old daughter is amazing with our 2 year old. She plays with her, dresses her and dotes on her. It’s like a real live baby doll that will punch you in the face if you taunt her. My 5 year old. Well he is just all around special and he teaches each member of the family love and patience in a way that only a strong willed 5-year old can.
Our family is like a team. We work hard together, but we also laugh and play hard together. When I put the older ones in charge of the younger ones, it develops them. It makes them more confident. It helps prepare them for the real world… you know… those people we encounter that we want to throat punch but we also don’t want to go to prison? Yeah… like that. Sometimes our family dynamic is just pure training for the harsh, real world.
We help each other out. Sure it’s hard for the parents on the front end. We have to stand our ground and mean what we say. We have to set the example. We have to patiently take the time to show them how to master certain tasks… like laundry, dishes, dusting, etc. We have to teach them what it means to love unconditionally and to practice gratitude and forgiveness.
People will often say “Wow! I don’t know how you do it with 5! I only have one and I am losing my mind.” At this point in the game, I would agree that one is far more challenging than 5. I know that has got to sound crazy if you have just one kid. But let’s face it. We worry way too much about our 1st little bundle of joy. We don’t let them get dirty and we have to have strict schedules. Admit it… you follow rules about the order in which they should eat, sleep, play and change their diaper. That is the furthest thing from your mind when there are 5. Let’s not forget all the blogs and books for first time moms that put the fear of God in us. And the bonus? Once you have the 5th, you have at least 3 older siblings who want to help out. You are empowering the big kids to know they matter and that their contributions matter. Trust me, what that does for them in the long term as far as contributing to society is priceless.
My thoughts on having children is a lot like my thought process on anything. We are incredibly capable as a human race to take on challenges and allowing them to make us into better humans. My kids have 100% made me more humble. Oh the humility! Limiting self-belief is debilitating. Our mind has a tricky way of making us imagine the worst and therefore talking ourselves out of something that may actually be the biggest blessing.
But I digress.
Back to one-on-one time with the kids. It matters! I make efforts to have that one-on-one time. Maybe it’s a Sunday afternoon where one of the boys goes with dad for lunch and a haircut. Sometimes it’s a date to the nail salon and the grocery store with my daughter. We find little pockets of time to let each child know they are truly loved. But that time they have playing in solitude or with a sibling is powerful. As great as it is to have that one on one time, it’s not the end of the world if the little angels have to self entertain.
No matter what your situation is… 1 kid, 5 kids, 10 kids, single parent, working parent, stay at home parent… one thing I know for sure is that our kids are resilient. Showing them love doesn’t have to be time consuming or hard. It doesn’t have to cost money and you don’t have to leave the home. They will be okay. They for sure don’t need to be the center of attention all day long. You just keep doing your best and giving them hugs and letting them know they matter and it will all work out.
Now go makes some babies! <3
I love this! I recently wrote an article about 1-on-1 time with our 4 kids and reading your piece and how you manage your lovely babies was just great! Kids are work. Such work! But the work is full of joy, love, and even peace if you can manage to find it<3 Big families rule, LOL!
( I'll send you that article in a FB message.)