We have all had it happen to us. You are in a good place. You feel confident and optimistic. Life is good and you feel blessed to be alive and then BOOM- some negative nelly comes along and sucker punches you in the stomach with their harsh words and unkind tone.
You know that sinking feeling-where you stop breathing for a second, you get hot and your heart beats a little faster. You quickly do a replay in your head of the events that led up to such unnecessary words. You can’t really wrap your brain around what just happened and you struggle to see where you went wrong.
Things you need to know about people who hurt you
- They have no filter. Most people say things without really thinking first. This is a huge problem since our communication is done mostly through text, email and Facebook. We let words fly across the screen and hit enter before we read what we wrote. We act on immediate emotion – which more often than not is irrational and completely out of context.
- Hurt people hurt people. When someone lashes out at you, it’s because of their own insecurities and inability to cope with their own unhappiness. I can’t think of a single example of someone lashing out at me where they truly didn’t have something bigger than me that they were struggling with.
- They are unhappy and are often jealous of something you have. It’s incredibly sad but true. It may be money, marriage, health, success or just your happiness in general. Why on Earth would anyone have a hard heart because of your good fortune? I know- it sucks.
What do you do with the people who hurt you?
- My first reaction is to pray – not only for that deep pit of hurt that I feel but also for the hurt that they feel. When you lift someone up in prayer, it is more difficult to keep anger.
- Send them love. Maybe that sounds hippy but it works. It may just be in the silence of your heart. Think nice things about them. Say nice things about them to others. Maybe even send them a gift card for a cup of coffee or some flowers. No matter what happened, sending love is going to help heal your heart. It is up to them to change their heart.
- Acknowledge that you only have control over your words and your actions. Make every effort to say and do the right thing and you can rest knowing that your heart is in the right place.
“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6:27-28
See – not my words, just lessons I have had to learn the hard way and by no means have perfected. This blog is as much a reminder for me as it is for you. Even as I write these words my heart feels peace.