I knew from a very young age that I wanted to be a mom. On my first date with my husband, I told him if I accomplished nothing else in life but being a mom, I’d be fine with that. And 12 years later I have done a fine job (if I do say so myself) of making my dream a reality.
Now, that reality did come with a lot of harsh truths I wasn’t prepared for. I’m not saying that I don’t love being a mommy- I truly do- with all my heart, but maybe that’s why it can be so hard.
If you are a parent you know what I am talking about. I’m not talking about those milestones that you shed a tear over like the first haircut or first day of school. I’m talking about those moments that are so ugly- they are not even worthy of Facebook! And I am all about Facebook.
I’m talking about the constant messy home, that no matter how hard you try, it will never be clean. I’m talking about the endless loads of laundry that you will never finish. The fact that there will always be some gross sticky substance on your floor and it will always smell like poop somewhere (hello, BATHTUB?!?!?) I’m referring to those moments when you pull into the garage and let all the kids out – but you stay behind, because for 5 minutes you just NEED the silence or you might punch your hand through the wall.
I have had many moments that I am not proud of. I’m sure we all have. But the worst part is that in that moment, sometimes I feel like I might be the worst mom ever. Ya feel me?
Have you ever snapped at a whining child? I have. Did they deserve it? Maybe, but that doesn’t put a warm fuzzy feeling in my belly. Has your child ever told you they hate you? Mine has. Mine usually does the reverse and claims that I hate him… I’m not sure which hurts more. I know he doesn’t mean it, but it still hurts. UGH! The worst part about all of this is that I know it’s going to get tougher the older they get! Why don’t they tell you this in the baby books! Babies are certainly blessings, but kids are tough!
I have 4 beautiful, smart, but completely different kids. I cannot group them together in any way shape or form. They all have their own ‘languages’. I need to show them affection differently and likewise; I have to discipline them differently. What works for one will not work for the other.
What I have found recently is that my son is my exact opposite. He is everything I am not – for the good and the bad. He’s amazingly smart – like his daddy 😉 and sassy – well, maybe he does get that from me? I have to dig really deep to understand why certain things bother him, when they seem so small to me. It truly is a work in progress for us. Please understand that there is TONS of love given in this home. But this stage is tough – and since he’s the first it’s trial and error for both of us!
I often get a sense of relief when I open up to a close friend and she shares similar stories of how she has to stop and pray in the morning before getting her little one out of bed. There lies the true solution. God says he will never give us more than we can handle. I think most of us see that as being a joke sometimes. I don’t think I take my crazy days to my knees quite enough. I am glad I am not alone. I know I am not alone. I know you are reading this and thinking “Thank God! It’s not just me!”
When I think back to those daydreams I had as a young woman, and the perfect home I kept with the white picket fence, I did not imagine this. It’s a million times better than what I thought. I have been entrusted with these little people, without a manual, and I have to get them through life. I am not perfect, but I am doing my best.
Hang in there mama. Keep doing your best and working hard to improve. I openly pray with my little ones for God to help them be better but also to help mommy be a better mama. They need to know that I know I am not perfect. We will get there ladies! So, if you come over and the floor is sticky and there is an odd odor in my home, don’t judge.
Just grab a glass and join me in toasting to doing the best we can.